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January 26, 2009

ovaforms

Now, where did I put that artist statement? It seems that it too has been lost by way of the crashing gods. I put all my eggs in one basket so to speak, and had all of my digital work stored away on a separate, lone, hard drive. I put a lot of blind faith in that drive. It was less than 2 years old and was used only for storage. Talk about an uneasy feeling in your stomach. After 5 or 50 attempts to get it to boot up I called the manufacturer of the drive. “Good luck” he said, then added, “we rarely get information off of our failed drives such as yours”. Next, I call a data recovery business and was shocked at the cost and their lack of enthusiasm for guaranteeing any recovery of data, then he said, ” I would have to agree with the maker, probably not much we can do”. Okay, I think? How do I get my head around the concept that I have lost about 6 years of work? I am in total shock. I talked to everyone that I could, and it seemed that It was no hope. My last resort was a suggestion for me to zip lock the drive and place it in the freezer, and try to re-boot in the morning, thinking that the material would contract enough to allow the drive to spin. Well, after trying, no such luck. The drive just laid there lifeless. I kicked it! Yet it still just fucking laid there. I got pissed, which soon turned to a deep sadness. It was a loss, a death. What now?

Freud stated that, mourning comes to a decisive end when the subject severs its emotional attachment to the lost one and reinvests the free libido in a new object. I found my answer in this belief. What I needed was a change, a new way of working. Maybe this was supposed to happen, a kick in the ass from the powers that be. I will look at it this way and try to not let them down. It has been tough, it was a huge loss, but I will survive.

The image that accompanies this article is part of a series that was lost. It is not the original large file, 50×60 @300dpi, but rather a small version suited for web only display. “ovaforms” is a scanograph, or boysenograph (funny term), of mango seed pods.

penn

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